One of the central concerns I have for my children is that they grow to become entitled adults.
As I understand it, this is a pretty common fear amongst parents. I’ve heard some experts say it’s actually the most common parenting fear regarding the formation of their kids.
___
At the core of entitlement is a grasping nature. One that tends to forget what one has, while emphasizing what one doesn’t.
As such, entitlement is a fundamentally negative perspective, and this negative sense often feeds on others a bit like a parasite.
It underestimates what it takes from others, while overestimating what it gives to others.
This is part of the reason I’m afraid of my kids becoming entitled.
I know that it will negatively impact their relationships and overall positive impact on the world.
I know it will hold back their prospects in life.
___
But the bigger reason is actually much more personal.
The thing is, I really do love my kids, and because I love them, I want them to reach their full potential.
And I know they will never reach their potential if they are entitled.
This is all of our stories. None of us reach our potential if we are entitled.
We know this instinctively. Picture a person in your mind’s eye that you look up to, and then imagine them taking on the qualities of entitlement and all of a sudden the person in becomes remarkably smaller and less attractive.
We can’t flourish with an entitled attitude, because entitlement at its root is about fear.
It’s about a fear that if we don’t grasp what we deserve, we won’t get what we need.
_______________
Gratitude on the other hand, only makes sense as a posture of trust. A baseline posture that life is good, we are good, and the future is fundamentally good.
Gratitude makes us bigger.
You know this instinctively as well. Picture any person you know, and imagine them with an increased level of gratitude, and all of a sudden that person is instantly more attractive and inspiring.
One who is held within the confines of entitlement can never fully grasp the expansive nature of gratitude, because gratitude transfigures our experience of life. When we start with a foundation of gratitude, we see things differently, and as a result make different decisions and arrive at different insights.
And this set point of gratitude doesn’t just remain with us. It tends to radiate out towards others as well.
_______________
Because I love my kids, I hope that they can grow in time in gratitude rather than entitlement.
This feels rather natural.
The harder action is loving myself enough to take gratitude seriously in my own life. To actively cultivate gratitude, and root out entitlement, not because of shame or fear - but rather because love demands me to seek what is for my own good and the good of others.
Take a moment to consider your own relationship with entitlement and gratitude…
Would most people describe you as entitled or grateful?
If you imagine yourself waking up tomorrow, all of a sudden having become remarkably grateful, how would you feel?
How would other people experience you?
Where would you spend your time?
What would you pay more attention to?
What would you pay less attention to?
All the best,
Steven Lawson
“Only the children know what they are looking for.”
GOING DEEPER
Giving thanks can make you happier - Harvard Health Publishing
If you're interested in learning more about this topic, this article from the Harvard Medical School explores the transformative power of gratitude and how cultivating a grateful mindset can lead to greater happiness and fulfillment. LINK
The Power of Gratitude: 10 Benefits Backed by Science - PositivePsychology.com
Piggybacking on the previous article, this piece goes into deeper scientific detail as to how exactly gratitude can improve their lives both internally and externally. LINK
Cultivating Gratitude: The Power of a Thankful Heart - GreaterGood.Berkeley.edu
We always like to give some practical tips and starting places on how to start implementing this month's topic into their lives. In a bit of a break from tradition, this final suggestion is a short excerpt from Robert Emmons, professor of psychology and author of Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier that's a great place to begin. LINK
Featured Art: Children in a Garden (The Nurse), Mary Cassatt (1878)
